Four Years

Tomorrow marks four years since I had the honor and privilege or marrying my best friend. It feels like a long time ago and not very long ago at the same time. I know in the grand scheme of life that four years isn’t very long, but I also remember thinking it was a long time to be in high school. Marriage is nothing like high school, so it’s flown by relatively quickly even though a lot of life has filled in the last four years.

Year four began with the birth of our second son on January 12, 2022 — fours years to the date of our first date. It was so special that he was born on the date we met and was the best way to celebrate that. Yes, we celebrate the anniversary of our first date — it’s special and I like to celebrate special dates. Anyway, other than having two boys under two years of age, life was pretty simple and we were getting into a good routine and then my dad unexpectedly passed away in May. This brought many pieces of our lives to a halt. In August we found out we were expecting again, which brought shock — as we realized we were going to have three under three — and joy because we believe that every baby is a blessing. So, I would say that year four has taught us about the coexistence of joy and grief.

While we have experienced deep grief this year, we have also experienced great joy! They do not replace each other, but they do exist together. We have made a point to talk about the grief, joy, and all the other emotions of the year. We chose each other four years ago and have continued to choose each other every day since. Our marriage might be young, but we’ve experienced events that have drawn us closer to each other than ever before.

Marc has shown up this year in ways that have led me to love him more than I ever have before. Watching him be a dad is one of the biggest blessings of my life and I’m so grateful that our children get him as their daddy. He works hard at his job and at home. He made our garden bigger than ever and when grief and morning sickness kept me from helping with it, he continued to tend to it so that we would have a harvest to reap. He has completely taken over our oldest son’s bedtime routine and helps with so much around the house. This season of grieving, pregnancy, and little sleep has been hard — really hard, but he has helped make it manageable. I’m extremely grateful for him and I’m very aware of the gift that he is in my life. God has blessed me so much by allowing me to be his wife and I don’t take that for granted.

As we look ahead to year five, we have more joy to look forward to as our third son is due in April of 2023. This season of little sleep is far from over, but there is no one else I’d want to be walking through this life with than Marc. Marriage is one of the best things I’ve done — and also one of the hardest. It’s right up there with following Jesus and pregnancy/childbirth. Marriage requires vulnerability, which can be hard at times. It requires love that goes beyond feelings. Marriage has taught me so much about my relationship with God and I know that there are many more lessons to learn! Just like Marc has picked up my slack this year, God picks up my slack all the time. Just as Marc has continued to pursue me through the hard times, God continues to pursue me all the time. The more I get to know Marc and be known by him, the more I understand what a relationship with God looks like. It looks like continuing to get to know Him and allowing myself to be known by Him (yes, He already knows more about me than I do, but I’m talking about taking the time to talk with Him about myself because that’s a part of the relationship). Just like Marc asked me to join him in a marriage relationship, God did the same thing. They both love their children fiercely and make a point to protect me. They both love me.

I know that not all marriages are a reflection of the Father’s love and that breaks my heart. I know that Marc and I are human and without putting forth the effort and pursuing our relationships with God, our marriage wouldn’t be what it is today. I’m grateful for the four years of marriage we’ve had and I look forward to each one that we are blessed with. Tomorrow we celebrate the fact that our marriage is old enough for preschool — which means we’ve grown a lot, but also have a lot more to learn!

Song of the Week: This week I chose “What Love Looks Like” by Dara Maclean and “Something” by Chris August because we played them at our wedding! Enjoy!