Weeping & Rejoicing

Loss has changed me in so many ways. It has changed me in ways that I thought it would and it has changed me in ways that I didn’t expect. It has changed how I view motherhood and it has changed how I view life. It has given me a perspective that I don’t know if I’d be able to have had I not experienced the losses that I have. God has used marriage, loss, and motherhood to teach me so much over the last almost six years and I know that He’ll continue to do so.

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” This isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I don’t know if it’s a skill that wasn’t developed or something I simply chose to avoid, but it has not been the natural thing for me most of my life. It’s not something I’m proud of — it can make it quite hard to connect with others when you don’t allow yourself to feel things very deeply. Over the last couple of months, I’ve been working really hard in a couple different areas of my life and as a result, I’ve noticed this part of myself softening — which has freaked me out a bit to be honest. I’ve shared things with some women and they’ve been so encouraging to me and it has allowed for some healing to begin in areas that I didn’t realize needed it. I’ve been able to feel things with people a couple of times and, like I said, it’s freaked me out. I’m not one given to “instant tears” as I call them — I typically process things later on in private, but in the last week I’ve been on the verge of tears twice because of something someone shared and have cried once because of something someone else is walking through.

Over the weekend, I had one friend lose their dad and one friend have a baby. When I heard that my friend’s dad passed away — instant tears. I know how hard that is and I instantly felt her loss deeply resulting in tears of my own. There is something about grief and loss that has provided me with far more compassion than I used to have. Everyone grieves differently and there is no “right” way to do it. Yes, as believers, we get to grieve with hope; however, it still means that we do in fact need to grieve. We each walk through grief differently which makes it tricky to know how to grieve with someone or how to walk through grief with someone. Grieving isn’t typically that comfortable and requires us to sit with our feelings in order to experience them and begin to heal. I’ve heard it said that losing someone close to you is like learning to go through life with an amputation — you will heal, but you’ll never be the same.

When I heard that my other friend safely delivered her baby, I was able to fully rejoice at the news! New life is so exciting and babies are miracles. I know the joy and relief that’s felt once you’ve safely delivered a sweet little one and get to meet them for the first time outside of your womb. I am able to celebrate life in a much deeper way because I know how fragile it is. The ability to experience such deep joy for a friend is such a gift and I’m so grateful to be able to celebrate with her and her family after the arrival of her precious little one.

So, throughout all of the weeping and rejoicing — God is good. He is faithful and He is right there with us in both of those seasons — and every other one we might find ourselves in. No matter what we’re going through, He’s right there with us and when we’re able to let Him into both our sorrow and our joy, we get the honor of experiencing Him in such a deep way. Grief and loss are a part of this broken world, but God made a way for us to experience joy on an eternal level and for that I am grateful. As believers we know that one day, there will be no more loss, grief, pain, tragedy, sorrow, heartbreak — no more sin. One day, He will wipe every tear from our eyes and every hurt from our hearts and we’ll get to be with Him for all of eternity. We’ll be praising Him and resting in His presence. We will no longer have to navigate the hard journey of grief. We will be made whole and perfect, reunited with our Father in a way we can only imagine. This world is not our home, it’s just a short stop along the way. Eternity used to feel far away until people I loved started leaving this world for their home in eternity.

Life is hard, God is good, and I am so grateful for the healing and growth that He’s doing inside of me. I have been working on so many things lately and really trying to lean into what God is calling me to do in this season. Summer is a busy time for us with our garden and I have really felt like I’m trying to do too many things at the same time. Marc has suggested that I take a break from the blog for the summer — or at least scale back a little in light of some other things I’ve been working on. I’ve been hesitant to stop, but after praying about it, I think Marc is probably right. I need to let something go for the summer season while the garden is in full swing, so I’m going to take a break of sorts and not hold myself to putting out weekly posts. I love using this space to document things I’m learning, so I may have posts here and there throughout the summer — only time will tell.

I really enjoy sharing parts of our lives and what we’re up to on Instagram and Facebook, so be sure that you’re following me there @thehopefilledhomestead so that you can keep up with us over the summer! I share about all kinds of things on there: motherhood, marriage, gardening, sourdough, skincare, canning, my headed toward healthy journey, what I’m learning in the Bible, and so much more and love connecting with others in that way! Until the next post, I hope you all have as great of a summer as you possibly can and that you are filled with the hope that only Jesus can give!

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “The Blessing” by Kari Jobe. Enjoy!