Cancelled Plans

Have you ever cancelled plans with someone? Have you ever cancelled plans with the same person, multiple times? I know that I have. There’s this one person in particular that I have cancelled on many times — more than I can count. I didn’t really think it mattered because I had good reasons — at least I told myself that. One day I came to a realization and then things changed. I met with them regularly and began rescheduling as needed, but the number of cancellations dropped drastically. I felt better about myself, had more confidence, was a more attentive wife and mama — and then I cancelled a couple times in a row, which turned into weeks, and then months. I would check-in here or there, but I wasn’t consistent and I could feel the difference. Who was I cancelling on repeatedly? Jesus.

Let me explain what I mean. I made a daily plan to meet with Him through Bible reading. I know myself well enough to know that daily time in God’s Word has an enormous impact on my attitude, relationships, worldview — every area of my life. Spending time reading His Word gives me perspective, joy, peace, and so much more. When I read or listen to His Word and learn more about Him, it strengthens my relationship with Him. It’s not the only way that my relationship with Him grows, but it is one of the ways that it does. Spending time in His Word gives me a better understanding of how I’m suppose to be living my life and allows me to grow as His daughter, as a wife, as a mama, as a friend, and so on. It reminds me of the truth in a world that teaches so many lies. It’s living and powerful, so I can read the same thing multiple times and learn something different each time (Heb. 4:12).

Anyway, so I made a plan to read it each day. The goal was to get up before my kids and have some quiet time to get it done before they woke up. The problem was that I was tired, so I began shutting my alarm off and going back to sleep instead of getting up. The days I did get up, it seemed that one of my kids always had some special radar and decided to wake up at that exact moment — no matter how early it was. Once in a while I would actually be able to get up before them and it worked, but the days it didn’t happen that way, I skipped. Then I figured out that nap time worked well for me to do it, but that’s also when I would try to clean the house or nap myself, so I’d skip. This kept happening until eventually I had absolutely zero rhythm and had basically come to the conclusion that it wasn’t possible to read my Bible every day because of the season of life I was in….and then I’d sit down at night with my husband and watch T.V. I also was still able to find time to meet a friend for coffee or a play date, attend my MOMs group at church, make appointments on time, visit with family, scroll social media, etc. I made time for those things, so they happened.

One morning, as I shut my alarm off to go back to sleep instead of getting up, a thought went through my head — which I firmly believe was the Holy Spirit –, “If that alarm had been set to get up and meet a friend for coffee, would you be getting up right now?” My answer was, “Yes, of course!” “So, why aren’t you willing to get up and “have coffee” with Jesus while you read your Bible?” Ugh! That realization hit me pretty hard. I was willing to get up for a friend, but not for my Savior? I began to realize that the problem wasn’t my kids not sleeping long enough or the fact that I was tired, the problem was that my priorities weren’t in the proper order. Sleep isn’t a bad thing — in fact it’s necessary — but it can become a problem when I allow it to. The problem is that when I worked full time, I never called in because I was too tired. I might’ve missed an alarm or slept through it a time or two, but not on a daily basis — I would’ve been fired! I’ve never missed anything that I wanted because I was too tired. I’d stay up late to watch a T.V. show and then say I was too tired to get up early in the morning to read my Bible. When things need to get done — especially with little ones — I just do them, whether I’m tired or not. So, the problem with sleep for me, was that I was placing it above God. It had become an idol.

The thing about idols, is that sometimes they don’t make themselves so obvious. I mean, if I see a statue or read about a golden calf, that makes sense to me as an idol, but every idol isn’t quite that obvious. I never even viewed sleep as something that could become an idol because it’s necessary. It did; however, lead me to believe that it was more important than reading my Bible, so for me it was becoming a problem. Psalm 119:11; 105 says, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you….Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” In regard to God’s commandments, Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” How am I suppose to do any of that, if I don’t take the time to read the Bible? I can’t.

So, bringing this back to “cancelling” on Jesus repeatedly, I came to the realization that I had to stop. I had to stop making excuses for why I “couldn’t” read every day. I had to rearrange my priorities if I wanted to see growth. I realized that “rescheduling” might have to happen some days. I might have to get my boys up and fed and then read my Bible while they play or during their nap — and that’s okay! I think it’s extremely important for my children to see me reading my Bible and know that it’s important. My oldest son now knows what my Bible is, that I read it, and where I keep it — that matters to me. I realized that I needed to let go of my ideal Bible reading experience and believe that reading it daily was more important than the mood or setting I created. God still speaks to me even when my kids are playing. He still teaches me even when I wait until the afternoon to read. He still guides me and leads me on the days when I have to wait until after dinner to read so my husband can watch the boys. He is gracious and merciful and doesn’t need me to read His Word. I need to read His Word because I’ve been blessed with it and it allows me to learn more about Him and His character.

The wife, mama, and woman that I want to be “when I grow up” is one that spends time with the Father daily. I want to be that lady that’s Bible is well worn because of decades of use. I want to have His Word hidden in my heart and be able to recall it with ease. I want to be a woman whose love for Jesus is evident by the way I live my life. My future self will be eternally grateful to my current self for choosing to spend time in His Word now. It isn’t a waste and I won’t regret it. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work in my life and transform me is one of the best gifts I can give to those around me. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Reading the Bible, praying, learning the voice of the Father and listening to it — these are ways that I get to learn and grow. What a gift it is to be able to read my Bible — may I not take it for granted. If it were ever to be taken away, I pray that I would be able to recall the truths that are written in it all the days of my life.

What are your thoughts on daily Bible reading? If you have kids, do you ever feel like they have radar and know if you’re trying to get up before them?

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Living Word” by Jeremy Camp! Enjoy!