Comparison

Have you ever compared your life to someone else’s? Have you ever compared your motherhood, homemaking, and/or marriage to someone else’s? I know that I have and I’m sure that you have at some point too. You might see, read, or hear about how someone else does life and find yourself either grateful because you think you’re doing better than them or you find yourself feeling bad about yourself because you think they’re doing better than you. Maybe you think that their life is easier than yours or you question why you can’t seem to do all the things that they’re able to. I’ve done this to myself more than once and over the last week or so I came to a realization that could’ve only come from God because it hit me when I wasn’t even thinking about the topic.

I’ve been baking homemade sourdough bread for at least a year now. I typically do it once a week and freeze the extra loaves. If we have pizza at home, it’s typically made with homemade crust and I honestly don’t remember the last time I purchased a can of condensed “Cream of ____” soup because if I need it, I make it from scratch. To some, this may seem like a daunting task because they don’t enjoy cooking or baking — for me, it’s not only enjoyable, it’s also what I’ve become accustomed to. This is my normal. We grow quite a large garden and then freeze and can our produce to last us through the year until the next year’s harvest. It’s a lot of work, but my husband and I both enjoy and greatly appreciate the end result. Again, to someone who has never had a garden or who has little to no desire to preserve food, it might seem like a lot of unnecessary work in a world where we could buy those items, but to us it’s what we’ve chosen to be our normal. I could continue, but I don’t think I need to do so to make my point. Whatever our normal is, doesn’t mean that your normal is bad — it’s just different.

I’ve spent a lot of time comparing what my motherhood and homemaking looks like to other wives and mothers and have found myself frustrated that I couldn’t seem to do all the things that they were. I found myself frustrated by things that weren’t even important because I wanted the result that they appeared to have. It became exhausting and extremely discouraging. I’ve heard the saying that “comparison is the thief of joy” and while I did find that to be true, I also found that comparison was stealing more than just my joy. Comparison was stealing my peace and it was stealing my attention. I was losing sight of the things that God had laid on my heart — the things that I feel He has called me to. When our attention shifts from looking at Jesus to looking at others, we always run into problems.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” In these verses we are reminded that we must keep our eyes looking at Jesus. He is the only One that we should ever compare ourselves to because He is the One that we’re told to imitate (Eph. 5:1). When we compare ourselves to others, we will always be able to find people doing things seemingly better than us and people doing things seemingly worse than us. That’s why comparison is a trap that often leads to unnecessary thoughts about ourselves that aren’t even true. God hasn’t called each of us to be the same, so why on earth would we think that our lives, motherhood, marriage, etc. would look the same?

God has given each of us gifts to use for His Kingdom that bring glory to Him. Romans 12 is filled with examples of how we’ve all been given different gifts and we should use the gift that God has blessed us with. Romans 12:6-8 says, “Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” Did you catch that line in verse 6? “Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them…” We have each been given grace to do different things. I think that that’s why other people’s “normal” might feel impossible for us — because they might have grace for a gift that we do not and that’s okay. We haven’t been asked to use all the gifts — only the one(s) that we’ve been given.

Now, I’m not saying that we can’t learn from others or that we never need to grow in an area of our life in regards to how we use our time, gifts, abilities, etc. God has called some people to be teachers because we all have things to learn. There are things in my motherhood, homemaking, marriage, life, relationship with God, etc. that need work, growth, and discipline — not because other people are doing things “better” or “worse” than me, but because God is always making me aware of areas that I get to grow in. There are things I’ve done that haven’t been the best use of my time or there’s a more efficient way to accomplish the same result that I’ve learned by witnessing others. We can learn from others without comparing ourselves to them. We can grow in areas without feeling like we’ve failed. Are there times when we’ll fail? Absolutely — we’re all human! When we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts and lives, He’ll show us the areas we need to grow in and He’ll lead us to the people and/or tools that we need to grow.

So, instead of comparing ourselves to others, let’s try asking God to help us keep our eyes looking at Jesus and learn the things that He’s trying to teach us. What a boring world it’d be if we were all the same! The next time you start to compare yourself to someone else, stop and ask God if there’s something that you need to learn or an area you need to work/grow in. He might use that person and/or their life to teach you something, but it won’t be that He wants you to be exactly like them in every single way. He made you with your own gifts and abilities — use them for His glory and don’t compare yours to others.

What is something that is a part of your normal in your current season of life? Does comparison ever cause you to refrain from using the gifts that God has given you?

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” by Lauren Daigle. Enjoy!