Hard and Holy

Motherhood is one of the hardest, most joy filled things I’ve ever been blessed to experience. I love my children so much that I can’t fully explain or describe it. It has challenged, grown, and taught me in ways like nothing else in my life. It has stretched me to what I’ve believed were my limits and filled me with deep joy — and I’m not very far into the motherhood journey. I have learned so much about God, marriage, myself, my children, the world, and so much more simply because the title of “Mama” is mine. I have worked hard to learn about children and motherhood, sought advice from mamas that are more wise than me, and learned from The Father about it. There is something about the responsibility of motherhood that has caused me to look beyond myself because I know that my role is important. I know that God has chosen me to be my children’s mama, and that isn’t something I take lightly. It’s a huge learning curve and one of the most natural things for me. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl to be a wife and a stay at home mama, so I started preparing for it long before I ever met Marc or was blessed with our children.

Something that I’ve realized about motherhood — parenting in general — is that even though it’s hard, it’s also holy. It is an honor to be given the opportunity to teach and shepherd little hearts and minds. To guide them and create an environment where they are loved and taught about Jesus. It has been so much fun to see their eyes light up when they see something exciting and their laughs are by far one of my favorite sounds in the world. They are such gifts and they don’t even realize how much I learn from them each day.

I think the hard and holy moments often collide because so much refinement is required of parents. As a mama, I am constantly made aware of how truly selfish and prideful I can be. The constant opportunity to practice selflessness and humility is hard and it’s holy. I don’t think I was even aware of how selfish I want to be at times until I was met with the reality of my precious babies. Their needs are constant and often force my wants to be pushed aside — which can be more frustrating than I ever knew before. I will think I have something figured out about their personality or what they like, only to have them prove me wrong — which is very humbling. They have forced me to come face to face with parts of myself that are not easy to deal with — like selfishness and pride among other things. They have taught me that part of what makes parenting hard is having to deal and heal with all the parts of myself that come to light.

Another thing that’s hard is that no two kids are exactly the same. Something might work well for one child and not at all for another one. Each of their newborn stages aren’t exactly the same and as someone who likes when things are consistent and somewhat predictable — this too has been a challenge. I’ve had to learn that no matter how much I prepare for a day, there will most likely be some sort of curve ball thrown my way. I’ve had to learn to ask for help and let people help — even though in my mind I “should” be able to do everything that needs to be done (there’s that pride again).

The refinement that’s required hurts. To let God use motherhood to expose areas in my life that need attention is painful at times. It’s been so good and so painful. I love that He never wastes our pain and instead — when we allow Him to — uses it to continue to develop us into people that are more like Him. The realization of how selfish I’m prone to be has been such a hard thing to admit, let alone allow Him to work in. The work that He’s been doing in that area of my life has been evident — it’s been a battle and I’m often tempted to give in to my selfishness, but there’s definitely been growth.

When it comes to pride — that one hurts pretty bad too. I’ve been recovering from being a perfectionist for a while now and while I’m not as much of one as I used to be, I still find it creeping into different areas of my life. I want to be the best. I want to be able to get all the things done each day in an efficient and timely manner. I want to stay patient, never allow tiredness to impact my mood, stay fully hydrated, read my Bible daily, read for fun, be present with my kids, be on time places, and all the other things day to day, but obviously that isn’t possible. On top of having 3 boys 3 and under who are humans and not robots, there’s many other factors that impact how each day goes for me. God did not create me to be able to do it all. He did create me to depend on Him and He did bless me with children that are eternally more important than getting everything done each day.

While this may not be anything new for you — especially if you’ve been at this motherhood thing longer than me — I don’t think it can hurt to be reminded of things we know sometimes. Parenting is hard work. Parenting is holy work. We will not always get it right and we will not always get it wrong. There is grace for each day and for that I am forever grateful. There is a need for refinement and growth in our lives even when it hurts. There are so many blessings to be found even in the hardest parts of parenting. There are ample opportunities to practice selflessness and humility which are all opportunities to become more and more like Christ — which is the whole point of our lives as believers. We are called to follow Him all the days of our lives and to live them in a way that’s glorifying and honoring to Him. What an awesome God we serve that He would choose to use everything that we go through in our lives to make us more like His Son!

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Good Morning Mercy” by Jason Crabb. Enjoy!