Frustrated and Overwhelmed

I’m a big fan of summer. It is probably my favorite season because I really enjoy the warmth and sunshine. There is a noticeable change in my mood once fall starts to roll around. I don’t like being cold and it gets quite dreary with all the rain and cloudy weather. As the daylight gets shorter, so does my patience. I have a harder time getting up early because the sunrise is later in the morning due to the time change and when I don’t get up early, it throws my whole routine off — which is really hard for me. Last week was one of those weeks where I just couldn’t seem to get ahead of my feelings of frustration. I got “behind” on more than one thing and had a hard time keeping my thoughts in check. Instead of choosing joy and gratitude, I allowed myself to complain and make excuses which didn’t help me or anyone around me.

I could tell that I was in a crappy mood, but just couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it. I was fully aware that it was affecting my attitude toward Marc, our boys, myself, and others — but I couldn’t figure out how to get out of it until I figured out what the root cause was. Once I did, I was able to adjust my attitude, make a plan, and choose joy once again. As soon as I was able to name it, I was able to change it. I was able to realign my thinking and remind myself that there was so much to be grateful for. So, what was the root cause of all of this — me. More specifically it was a train of negative, untrue thoughts that piled themselves on top of each other until I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

It all started when I didn’t plan out my week. I typically do this on Saturday or Sunday and that didn’t happen. I’m a list person and function a thousand times better when I have my lists written down as opposed to trying to remember them — because I don’t ever remember everything. Then, I woke up Monday morning and there was a pile of dishes waiting for me because they didn’t get finished the night before. My mornings also started off later than I prefer almost all week because of little ones that woke up earlier than normal and/or my decision to sleep past my alarm. These events led to my usual cleaning days getting neglected, my sourdough not getting fed, a lot of frustration over not getting things done, and a lot of internal dialogue that just fed the frustration. I would sit down to read my Bible and be interrupted repeatedly and instead of just waiting for a different opportunity to read it I was silently telling God that since I was trying to read my Bible, He could at least help me out by having the boys play together without needing something every other minute — even though I was clearly not choosing the best time to read it. Have you ever done that? I know I can’t be the only one who has.

Anyway, it all kept piling up and then I realized that if I would have just taken a little bit of time to write out my week — even if I would’ve done it on Monday night or Tuesday — I could have saved myself a lot of frustration. If I would have taken my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, like we’re reminded to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5, I also could’ve stopped the spiral of negative internal dialogue much more quickly. If I would’ve voiced my frustration about not getting to complete a task from start to finish without interruption instead of allowing it to stew in my mind, I also would’ve been able to deal with it much sooner, but I didn’t. Instead, I blamed the weather and claimed an attitude of irritation for an entire week — how much unnecessary frustration did I allow to occur because of choices that I made? I’ll never know, but I’m sure it was a lot.

What did I do to change the trajectory of this week? I told Marc all the things that were frustrating me and then planned out this entire week. I planned all of our dinners, wrote down how much water I wanted to drink each day, wrote down a daily reminder to feed my sourdough, and on and on. I then proceeded to tell myself that everything wasn’t going to get done — and that that’s okay. The plans that I write down for each day are goals. They’re the things that I’d like to accomplish each day if the day goes smoothly and everyone naps well. I chose three items that I would like to accomplish over the course of this week and shared them on my Instagram stories for a little extra accountability. Instead of overwhelming myself with a mental to-do list, I just wrote things down and spread them out over the course of the week in a way that feels manageable to me. I prayed and asked God to help me stay focused on the things — rather the people — that are the most important and that I would have a better attitude throughout the upcoming week. Then we went to our small group that evening and God used those conversations to bless me immensely — just because He could!

I was able to go to sleep Sunday night with a renewed sense of gratitude and joy for the upcoming week and it has been such a gift. I have been more aware of the little moments that I can use to get things done and the little moments I can use to joyfully enjoy the imaginative play of my three year old. I also reminded myself how good it feels to get things done ahead of time instead of always waiting until the last minute — which I often find my procrastinating self doing. I have been in a noticeably better mood and have decided that instead of focusing on the reasons that I’m sad summer is over, I’ll choose to find the joy in fall and even winter because God has made them all for a purpose — plus my oldest son is so excited for snow because he wants to build a snowman really badly and I can be excited about that for him. The colors in fall are gorgeous, I can have soup and chili multiple times per week, I can bake without making the house too warm, and I really like warm socks so that’s a bonus too!

I know that I’ll have more hard, frustrating days ahead — I just hope that next time I remember to acknowledge the truth more quickly so that I can do the things that I know help me get through it sooner. I hope that I’ll learn to be more resilient and that I’ll remember that just because something doesn’t go as planned, doesn’t mean that it has to uproot an entire week. There is certainly a difference when it’s a truly life changing event, but when it’s something like the dishes not getting done, I don’t need to allow that to derail me as much as did last week.

Another thing that I’m looking forward to about winter is de-cluttering. I do not do well with messes all over because I reach the point where cleaning them up feels so overwhelming that I don’t do it. I’ve come to the realization that if there was less stuff to clean up, it would take less time to do so and it would help me in the mental and emotional department. Instead of allowing excess stuff to drain my energy just by existing, I’ve decided to work on lessening the amount of stuff and actually taking care of things instead of allowing piles of random things to pile up throughout the house. I want to feel peaceful when I’m at home and create a space that is peaceful for others — and having disorganized chaos is not peaceful for me. Those who know me well will probably chuckle at the thought of me getting rid of things because I’m quite sentimental (okay, I’m extremely sentimental) and I married someone who is sentimental too, so it should be interesting. I think it’s going to be really good though and I think the outcome will be worth the work.

So, whether you’re in a season of little ones or not, I hope that the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, or frustrated, that you would remember to take your thoughts captive, speak the truth to and about yourself, and remember what Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” We don’t have to let a frustrating moment or a hard day with little ones ruin our entire week because there is new mercy for us each morning and God is faithful on our hard days just like He is every other day. His grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Are you a planner or do you thrive off of spontaneity?

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Praise You Anywhere” by Brandon Lake because I like it a lot! Enjoy!