When Plans Don’t Happen

Do you like things planned out or do you thrive on spontaneity? If you’re a planner, what do you do when things don’t go as planned? This is something that has been a struggle for me that God has been working on in my life for a long time — probably because it’s a lesson I’m having a really hard time learning. I do not thrive on spontaneity and motherhood is filled with it. I like predictability and little ones are filled with unpredictable behavior. I like a routine and time changes throw those off — other things do as well, but this week it was the time change. Life is filled with things that don’t go according to plan and for someone who really appreciates a good plan, that’s so hard to get used to.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” I know that the book of Proverbs is full of principles and not promises; however, I do know that ultimately — like Proverbs 19:21 reminds us — that it is “…the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” Giving up control of my plans is hard. Trusting that the LORD establishing my steps is better than anything I could plan on my own is easy in theory, but can be hard in reality. I know that God is always good and that His plans are always better than anything my finite brain could come up with, but they don’t always feel good. When my morning is thrown off or I’m unable to accomplish all the things on my plan in a day, it doesn’t always feel nice — in fact it almost always irritates me.

The day to day plans not happening is one thing, but when big plans don’t happen, it’s even more frustrating. When we experienced our miscarriage with our first baby, it was a huge reminder that I don’t get to have control. When my dad passed away unexpectedly, it threw all sorts of plans out the window while simultaneously forcing new plans to be created. Life has been so full of changing plans lately that it has once again forced me to acknowledge that I don’t get to have control. Something might work well one day and not the next. Someone might be here one day and not the next. A child might take a nap one day and not the next. There’s so many things that don’t go according to plan — at least not my plan.

One thing I’m learning through this process is that just because something doesn’t go according to my plan doesn’t mean that it won’t be used for good. When I look at the life of Jesus, I’m eternally grateful that God’s plan prevailed — even though it wasn’t a part of the disciples’ plans. Jesus told them that He was going to die and then come back to life after three days and that still isn’t what the disciples would’ve chosen had they been in control (Mt. 20:17-19). I’m so grateful that the Father was in control of that situation and honestly, I’m so grateful that He’s in control of my situation as well. He can see so much more than me and He cares about me infinitely more than I could ever imagine. When things don’t go according to my plan, maybe it’s because His plans are best — even when it doesn’t feel like it.

When things don’t go the way I want them to, I have to learn to remember that God isn’t surprised by it. My days are never a shock to Him — even if they are to me. He isn’t watching my life unfold with shock and surprise — He knew all my days before even one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16)! Things might be a surprise to me, but they never are to Him. I’ve learned that I don’t get to control how long someone lives, yet I still try to control how my days are going to go and I need to stop because I can’t. I might be able to have control in certain moments and I might be able to have a plan, but I need to learn how to pivot better. I need to learn how to be more resilient instead of letting the ruined plans ruin me. I need to give control to God and not to a schedule made by me.

So, does this mean that making a schedule or having a plan is wrong? Certainly not! I think both of those things are helpful and without them we can easily lose sight of where we’re headed; however, I think it’s important to hold our schedules and plans very loosely. I think we need to remember that God is in control and learn how to trust Him even when our plans fall through — our big plans and our daily plans. I think we need to learn how to be resilient and use the change in our plans as opportunities to learn and grow. I often lean toward making excuses for things when something doesn’t go as planned instead of acknowledging it, accepting it, and learning from it. I don’t need to let anger and resentment grow in my spirit each time a plan falls apart. I can learn to choose joy and gratitude even in the midst of pain because Jesus showed us all how to. He faced the reality of the cross because of the joy set before Him (Heb. 12:2). He didn’t focus on the pain, He focused on the joy. He didn’t lose faith because of the pain, He trusted His Father. He chose joy — He chose us. When Jesus called the disciples to follow Him, He didn’t tell them where they were going or even what they were doing. He disrupted their plans and it led to so much goodness. I need to remember that and trust Him when when mine get disrupted too.

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Control” by Tenth Avenue North. Enjoy!