Happy Thanksgiving Eve

Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season for me. It’s always been one of my favorite holidays and I always looked forward to it because it marked the beginning of such a joy filled time of year. The holiday season was my dad’s favorite. I remember him making a ton of sweet potato pies for Thanksgiving and he was always in an exceptionally good mood from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. He loved this time of year and it just feels different now. Last year was tough. It was our first holiday season without him and I was pregnant, so my emotions were even more all over the place. I did the things that I needed to do, but it was really hard. I thought that this year would be easier and while it doesn’t carry the weight of being the “first” it’s still strange to me. I didn’t even realize how quickly it was approaching, but here it is and “easy” isn’t exactly the word I would use to describe it.

November has been one of those months that’s filled with gratitude and grief ever since Marc and I met. Our first November together, his grandpa passed away, our second November together we had anticipated welcoming our first baby into the world, but we miscarried that sweet baby, and this November — our sixth one together — his grandma passed away. Lots of hard in this month and yet there is so much to be grateful for!

Gratitude is something that isn’t dependent on our circumstances. It is something that we get to choose to have which means that there is always something to be grateful for. We can be going through the hardest parts of our lives and if we want to, we can still be grateful for something. Grief and joy can coexist and so can grief and gratitude. While I’m sad that my dad isn’t here anymore, I am grateful for the family that still is. While I will always miss our first baby, I am eternally grateful for the three boys we’ve been blessed with since then. While it still doesn’t seem real that Marc’s grandma is gone, I’m so grateful for the time that I got to know her. I have learned that I can be grieving hard things and enjoy my time with my family at the holidays. It’s not one or the other — it’s both and.

I’m so grateful for the fond memories I have of holidays with my dad. I’m grateful that he helped make them fun and that even after Marc and I were married, he still continued with the traditions that he had created. My dad and I didn’t always get along, but the last four years of his life we did — and for that I am so grateful. I’m grateful for his love for the holiday season and I’m grateful for the ways that he made it special. I’m grateful for the pain of grieving because it’s the evidence and proof of how healing and powerful forgiveness is.

Last year I went through the motions and didn’t really allow myself to feel the pain of his absence — when I’m pregnant, crying makes me sick so I avoid it at all cost. This year, I’m letting myself feel it all because I need to and because I can cry without getting sick this year. I heard a song play on the radio and it made me cry. I thought about his sweet potato pie and it made me cry. Writing this post made me cry. Basically, I’ve cried more this year than I did last year and I’m okay with that. Romans 12:12 says, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” I’m so grateful for the hope that comes from Jesus — that is something that I am always grateful for no matter the situation. I’m grateful that we don’t have to walk through the hard on our own and that we are able to pray to Him all the time. I’m grateful for each breath that He allows me to breathe and for every moment that He gives me with my family.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays — it still is. Choose joy. Choose gratitude. Choose to be present with your family and make sure you savor the time you get to have with them this holiday season. Laugh as much as you can and create new memories while you reminisce on the old ones. If this season brings tears, that’s okay. If it’s really hard for you this year, that’s okay. If you don’t feel like celebrating, that’s okay. No matter where you find yourself — whether the holidays bring grief or not — remember that there truly is always something to be grateful for!

What is something that you’re grateful for today?

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “The Thanksgiving Song” by Ben Rector. Enjoy!