Finding Motivation

Do you have a hard time finding motivation to do things? I know I do sometimes. I’m an externally motivated person, so if there is not any external motivation — I’m much less likely to actually accomplish anything. I thought if I could just make myself an internally motivated person, I would suddenly be able to get things done, but I couldn’t figure out how to actually become internally motivated. Marc is internally motivated, so I’d ask him how he did things he didn’t want to and he would always say, “I just do it because somebody has to.” That didn’t work for me because I’d just let someone else do it. I brought this up in counseling one time and our counselor solved it for me in a matter of seconds. He said, “You will never be an internally motivated person, so you can stop trying that right now. You will have to find external motivation for the things you need to get done and stop wasting time trying to become someone that you’re not.”

That was one of the most freeing things that someone ever told me — I didn’t have to be an internally motivated person, I just needed to find the external motivators and get things done that way. Whew — because that whole idea of being internally motivated sounded impossible for me! Realizing that was such a blessing to myself and to Marc because now we both knew the solution to my lack of motivation problem — which meant we could both do something about it. I began looking for outside motivation for everything that I needed to get done and it radically changed my productivity and ability to get things accomplished.

I was able to find motivation for the dishes, eating healthier, making a schedule to help keep on top of house cleaning — I’m not completely on top of it, but it’s going much better than it was and I’m not getting as frustrated about it. I’ve been able to find external motivation to get up before my kids most days and am in the process of finding the necessary motivation to go to sleep at a decent time. I also realized that I’m not the only person that is externally motivated, so I thought I’d share some of the external motivators I’ve found in case they might help someone else out.

Let’s use dishes as an example. I would get so frustrated each night because after dinner the dishes would either take forever or I’d have to do them in the morning — which always put me in a bad mood first thing in the morning. I hated missing out on things Marc and the boys were doing after dinner and also hated not having any time after dinner to do anything else before bed time — the dishes would basically pile up all day which is why it took so long. So, I wanted to figure out some way to get the dishes done in a timely manner and wake up to an empty sink. That was the motivation — “free time” in the evening and an empty sink in the morning. I realized that if I could have the dishwasher empty by the time Marc got home from work, all the dinner dishes could just go right into it which would save time. We could run it after dinner and I could empty it before bed or the next morning. We tried it and it works pretty well for us! Sometimes I have to run it during the day, but as long as it’s empty before dinner — this system works really well for us. Identifying an external motivation led to a system change that works so much better!

Another example that comes to mind is doing the necessary things to be healthier all around — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This one was tricky for a minute because I kept hearing voices telling me to “do it for me,” but that wasn’t working for me. I made a million excuses because there wasn’t enough motivation in that “do it for me” statement. I needed it to be bigger than myself to actually kick myself into gear. In all four of those categories — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually — I was finally able to identify an external motivator that works really well for me. God, Marc, and my children. Now, you might be thinking that those should have been my motivation all along — especially God — but until I realized that the legacy I want to leave for my children wasn’t going to happen without effort on my part, nothing changed.

As I began to dig into God’s Word, I quickly realized that there was a very common theme — obedience versus disobedience. It is everywhere throughout Scripture from the beginning to the end. God repeatedly calls us to live our lives set apart to Him — to glorify Him and be of service in His Kingdom. Romans 12:1 says, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” If I am going to present my body as a living sacrifice then I have to be willing to sacrifice. I have to be willing to nourish my body instead of only consulting my taste buds. To do the hard work of taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). To follow Ephesians 4:31-32 which says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” It also means I need to believe and live out 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 which says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” I need to be willing to do the hard work — for God, Marc, my children, and myself.

My desire to make changes in order to leave the legacy I want to for my children is very important to me. I know I don’t have control of everything, but I can choose how I’m going to live my life. I can choose what type of wife and mama I want to be and then do the necessary things to get there. I can choose to live in a way that’s honoring to God and I can choose to use how ever much time I have on this earth to teach my children to do the same. I know that one of the best ways I can teach my children about God is to model a life devoted to Him. I know that the best way I can teach my boys what a God honoring wife looks like, is to be one to my husband. So, that’s what I will continue to work on all the days of my life.

I could go on and on about how this realization — that I don’t have to become internally motivated — has completely reshaped my thinking. Whether it’s dishes or health or anything else that needs to be done, I can find motivation and I will continue to do so. At the end of the day, I don’t need to become like anyone except Jesus and in a way He too used external motivation — us. He always did what His Father told Him to do — no matter what, and in Hebrews 12:2, we’re reminded that He endured the cross for the joy set before Him and that joy was our reconciliation with the Father. We were worth it to Him and it’s my prayer that I would continue to live my life to glorify Him because He is worth it to me!

Are you an internally or externally motivated person? Have you ever tried to become the opposite of what you are?

Song(s) of the Week: This week I chose “Me on Your Mind” by Matthew West. Enjoy!